The Weekly Comet Christmas letter special
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a special treat since it's Christmas a bunch of people collaborated to make this years' DeVyldere Christmas letter. Lots of people made different ones and then Joel edited them and put them together. And there is also one more special story.
Tony Tony has spent the past year much the same way as the previous ones…at forced labor in the hospital pharmacy. He has made an art form of managing multiple priorities because of a new tower and Emergency Department, extra Omnicells, and the brand-spanking elaborate Epic computer system. A fanatic for the new iPhone, Tony is often observed driving while talking to himself period. Family members have been confused (and amused) by his penchant for punctuation period. Why is this happening question mark? Dad was able to get away in May to rock some killer waves body surfing and ride a catamaran up the Napali Coast of Kauai with a school of dolphins. Rumors abound that he is becoming proficient in Dolphinspeak, but is not sure about said language’s punctuation period.
In November, the hospital sent Tony to an Omnicell training in the Bay Area. While the mice were home partying, the cats were at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. Though they saw no fishermen, Mom and Dad observed various bridges, penitentiaries, street musicians and hell-fire preachers over lobster claws while wearing bibs. Another highlight is Dad’s 9th consecutive season coaching girls’ basketball for the BGCA. That’s right! The tradition which goes back to Jerusha’s 6th grade year features our own 6th grade Leah Faith (of Weekly Comet fame) and a new intrepid assistant coach Hannah (formerly of the 2012-13 South Albany Rebels). Leah When she’s not found attempting to keep a semi-sane living situation, Mom is off shuttling her children (far too numerous to count) around the Valley.
We got a rare chance to sit down with her and ask a few questions.
Child: “It’s an honor to be able to have this chat with you, you’re a very giving woman.” Mom: “What chat? You said you needed help filling out some paper work...” *Child hands Mom a stack of papers. Child: "So while you're filling out those why don't you walk me through a typical day on the job." Mom: “Well, I wake up every day to the sound of pitter-pattering little feet... followed by screaming, crying, music, and, eventually, children’s Television programming... Who am I filling out these forms for again?” Child: “Err... They’re for Elijah.” Mom: “Nice try, I’m not going to sign Elijah up for the Air Force.” Child: “Do you think they would accept Grace?” Mom: “...... “
While our interview did end prematurely, we did manage to get a great view of how loving and protecting a mother can be of her children, when the’re being conscripted into forced military service.
Having had not one, but two semi-major surgeries this year Mom is tired, stressed, joyous, blessed, and loving the Space Pirates out of everyone around her. The high points of this year for her include watching her oldest daughter graduate from University, directing the impactful two weeks of every summer that IS God Rocks Worship Camp, and, of course, Watching Hart of Dixie Season 2. Keturah At the tender age of 5, Keturah has already claimed the title of "the fashion police." Sources confirm that she secured this moniker by wearing stripes with plaid like she just don’t care, and possibly by engaging in shady dealings with space pirates. Keturah has no job and still lives at home, but she does have countless stuffed animals for companions; at least she’s not alone. The shortest DeVyldere is also one of the four extraordinary members of the L.K.S.. Turah’s favorite moment of 2013 is apparently going to be when she opens her Christmas presents.
Ezra Not much can still yet be said of the mysterious corporate figure that has come to be known as Ezra James DeVyldere. At first, all is confusing, but as the pieces come together, patterns emerge and before long we can see the sinister face of big business rearing its ugly head. Ezra got his start in a little known town in rural Oregon. Using his power in the LKS (Little Kid ‘Sociation), he was able to bully the powers that be into changing the building code status of the lot under his bed. The next day building crews were hard at work creating the structure that would be the first of many. The franchise “Ezra’s Garage Sale” was born. Exploiting his power over the local newspaper, he started a media blitz, shutting down small Mom and Pop businesses almost overnight. ‘Mom and Pop’ declined comment. For such a high profile businessman, Ezra lives a very secretive life, only confiding in his long-time roommate Elijah. His hobbies include dinosaurs, building structures, educational games, and puns. Ezra’s life took a ‘jurassic’ recently, when Elijah simply vanished while attempting to recycle and old coffee container still full of coffee grounds. Ezra did take a quick moment to tell reporters that he had nothing to do with the disappearance of his roommate and hopes that the parties responsible are punished. “Space pirates affect us all,” he said, while seated on a mysteriously noisy coffee can. Jewel Jewel-Anne is 8 now, and life has been moving at a fast pace for the tallest L.K.S. member. Jewel is a member of the Midnites, a part time leader for the LKS, an up-and-coming movie star, the household mailchild, and the only child officially found under a rock. Just kidding! There is no way Jewel could be anything but a DeVyldere. The proof is in her eyebrows, incredible sense of humor, sweet caring heart and her ability to communicate using only movie quotes. Jewel spends most of her days doing school and attending the various L.K.S. meetings, spy missions, bake sales, movie shoots, and--you guessed it--court marshals. When asked if the aforementioned list was complete Jewel commented “We also have sleepovers!” With Keturah and Sarah, two prominent L.K.S. members, as her roommates the frequency of the sleepovers doesn’t surprise me, the events of the sleepovers however, is a whole other story. Just the other day Jewel came running in from yet another L.K.S. sleepover to inform the household authorities that Ezra was stuck in the elevator. I don’t know about the other people in the room but the only thought running through my head was “We don’t have an elevator!” Jewel Anne brings such sweet heart to the DeVyldere family. The way she cares for each person is truly amazing and I’m not sure what we would do without our beautiful Jewel. Sarah Sarah is the ongoing height limit and leader of the LKS (‘you must be this tall to terrorize the household’). Also known as the Black Panther, Squirt, or Sarah bear. Sarah is currently in the LKSes busiest time of year. As many of you know Santa Claus has been running rapid all night though the fight is not over yet, morning has not broke in china yet! though Sarah busy life adventure with the LKS Though Sarah started Tangent Elementary School, and exclusive interview revealed that she remains loyal to the DeVyldere Academy. Sarah’s day starts at six a.m., allowing her three hours of play time before school. After, there’s homework LKS get-togethers, and rehearsing for the midnights (the top dancing group, In the houseold), Breaking up with the mid-nites/knights, Getting back together with the mid-nites/knights, and making an ambiguously popular 2-bean chili. She lives in the Palo Alto with her two kids and her husband Joey. Faith Faith has caught by “knitting fever” - an incurable and highly time-consuming disease, first contracted by Jerusha last winter. A year later, both sisters are still coughing up loads of mucus and scarves and cardigans. Faith faithfully edits a family newsletter called The Weekly Comet. Her weekly responsibilities include interviewing sources, researching Chuck Norris jokes and hiring, firing, rehiring, refiring her sole employee/older sister. Sources suggest that as a last resort Faith makes deadlines happen by finding some child’s belonging and holding it for ransom until she gets the story. Faith is also the main choreographer and dancer of the famous dancing group the mid-nites-knights - maybe. This acclaimed family dance group keeps coming back for one more comeback, comeback, comeback (again), gets a free pie, and split hating each others guts. At press time, Faith, who happens to have many high up connections from being a blogger, was orchestrating a remarkable media blackout on space pirate-related content. Grace Grace is 13 years old, and is playing 8th grade A team basketball right now. She works part-time as a maid right now, while still pursuing her journalism dreams with The Weekly Comet. Though Grace claims to be living in a penthouse with her awesome younger sister, sources claim that she may be referring to a second-story bedroom at the DeVyldere boarding school. When asked to choose between a typical lunch from the DeVyldere academy, Sarah's 2 bean chili, or coleslaw, Grace opted for the chili in a hurry. She grimacing slightly when she mentioned the Oregon State food handling violations evident in this year’s DeVyldere Academy promo video. Grace's most treasured moment of 2013 was either getting to the top of South Sister or turning 13. Rachel Rachel Hope, now 15 years of age, has had a year of change. She began South Albany High School in the fall and played on the varsity soccer team. She is currently excelling among her high school counterparts and can still beat her sister to a pulp when it comes to spelling (Her words. We’re still working on metaphors). Outside of school, Rachel has many hobbies such as reading to Keturah, cuddling with Keturah, explaining every possible nuance of the known world to Keturah, snuggling with Keturah (Don’t even ask if snuggling and cuddling are the same thing….they aren’t), playing jungle Rachel (similar to jungle Jim) with Keturah, and petting her adorable, fluffy and fuzzy cat. This year Rachel went to the state tournament with her 8th grade basketball team, and used her uncanny ability to connect with children of the preschool/kindergarten variety to lead a group at God Rocks Worship Camp. Virtually the entire duration of God Rocks she had a whole class of children following her around, completely enthralled by her every move. She is absolutely adored by toddlers more than due to her willingness to both explain anything (and everything) in a way they can understand, and care for their problems no matter how seemingly insignificant. Elijah Elijah spent his year trying to break out of a coffee can, coffee packaging professionals revealed. Undeterred by his sweet-smelling imprisonment, our hero started a lucrative career taking classes at community college, and even travelled to Seattle with the school’s pro-life club. His favorite moment was waking up to find snow covering everything, a rare occurrence for a Willamette valley-dwelling lad. Elijah acted in a web show this year, portraying a troubled young man whose sister is kidnapped by space pirates. He is now a suspected member of the Communist party (a party which he did not invite the authors of this letter to), which has subsequently disqualified him from enlistment in the airforce. Samanthia Samanthia graduated from South Albany High School and moved out, briefly living with Jerusha before locating to the Treehouse, an intentional community in South Corvallis. Sam now attends Linn-Benton Community College, where she majors in Biology with a minor in Space Pirate Aversion. Sam’s favorite moment of 2013 was being the last person to walk across the stage at her high school graduation. She is a semi-official DeVyldere, adopted in 2010 to fill in the unconscionable 19-month gap between Hannah and Elijah. Hannah Hannah has done glorious things this year. She finished high school at the top of her class, and performed a stunning pop song in front of the entire city of Albany as part of her valedictorian speech. Hannah worked at the God Rocks Worship Camp, and now applies her talents in the after-school program at the Corvallis Boys and Girls Club. One of her favorite moments in 2013 was standing on the podium at the district track and field awards to receive her third place medal. A tragic day dawned in Devyldere history when Hannah was mysteriously captured by space pirates. “ARGGh!” exclaimed one offending party. The others declined comment. Micah Twenty-year-old Micah finished up his schooling at Linn-Benton Community College, and transferred to Oregon State, where he studies Computer Science. He works as a part-time web developer for the Corvallis-based Business Solutions Group, and participates as an intern with the Heart of the Valley House of Prayer (HOVHOP). Micah accomplished all of this while simultaneously achieving very high scores on not one, but all of the games featured on the TI 84 calculator, and writing his own string of comics appropriately named, “Instead of Taking Notes in Math Class.” Micah now lives in an apartment called the Barracks - a dedicated community that focuses on strong personal relationships as a the context for a vibrant spiritual life and protects our planet from the threat of space pirates. He recently broke his wrist while playing ultimate frisbee, a tragedy only brightened by the red button on his cast that activates the jet thrusters. Let’s get to the real reason you’re reading this: Micah is a tall, blonde, Channing Tatum look-alike who enjoys long runs in the rain and is looking for a mate who enjoys crowded living situations and doesn’t mind the ‘stale hummus’ smell generated by his apartment. He’s single, ladies. Jerusha
Unfortunately, 2013 was the year when, during a routine doctor’s visit, Jerusha's blood was found to be about 30% coffee.
Joel Joel has had a rollercoaster of a journey this year that has taken him from Portland, Chiloquin (south-eastern Oregon), Eugene and finally North Corvallis where he started last December. He has worked for a newspaper, a hostel, a farm, a pub and a coffeehouse, and now does freelance writing for a few websites.
He enjoys good literature, candlelight dinners at Rivas 24-hour taco shop, and long walks on the beach. Has a strong sense of humor and dreams of one day publishing a novel joining up with space pirates. In good condition, has been recently been remodeled to look exactly like Nathan Fillion, simple -- works well with iPhone and Android. Good idea for anyone looking for a low maintenance man all-around-stud in their life. Cash only, no trades. Izaiah For the first time on record, 24-year-old Iziaiah has revealed that his name is not actually spelled with a ‘z.’ The 24-year-old man lives in a spacious cave with his sister in downtown Corvallis, where he does ministry work and trains to fight the imminently invading space pirates. His favorite moment of 2013 was filming a dance party that his girlfriend (Elise) was at in Italy. Often travelling for his work with HOVHOP, Izaiah spent part of the year living in Spain. When asked where he works he answers "the people of everyone.” Also, Isaiah answered "D) All of the above" to this question: "Which do you think is more of as threat: the world ending, global warming, or a shortage of 2% milk?"
Susannah is adopted!!!!!!!!
Yay Susannah! Although you were already basically adopted anyway, now it's official. We were going to post a picture of the signed certificate of adoption we have for you, but we've been having technical difficulties. We hope you enjoy this Christmas present, you deserved it. I would like to mention that Susannah knows all our birthdays, has watched all the (good) known movies, and is just plain awesome. She, was unanimously (give or take a vote) elected into adoption-hood, thus concluding a 3 for 3 streak in Tree House girl adoptions into the DeVyldere family. Congratulations Susannah :D.
