(Thanksgiving special edition)

It's that time of year again!!

The time when T.W.C writers finally have time off...exactly the amount of time it takes to create a fabulously non-fact-based special Thanksgiving edition! This edition will answer many questions, such as involving Rachel Leichtenstein: where is she? What is she doing? When and where is she coming back? And where are all the sheep? So sit back (preferably on top of another sibling and/or family member) and enjoy this list we've compiled of what the DeVyldere clan is thankful for this Thanksgiving:

Keturah D. is thankful for books, stories, and her blissful ignorance of the fact that Rachel D. actually left the country.

Ezra D. is thankful for his future plans to voluntarily lock himself and a few friends in a practically inescapable area this weekend. He is also thankful for his friends' superior Thanksgiving dishes, and Mom's forgiving nature.

Jewel D. is thankful for the recent crime wave drop since the arrival of "super kitty" in the DeVyldere household. (Super kitty is completely unrelated to Jewel's regular platypus--I mean kitten--Uphoria.)

Sarah D. is thankful that she can play basketball, and to a lesser extent for her "basketball pneumonia." (Rest assured, Sarah also has "thankfulness pneumonia"). She is also thankful for her accidental pie-making capabilities, as is everyone on the planet.

Faith D. Faith asked for the concept of thankfulness to be explained to her when asked, then she pushed past the underpaid reporter (jokes on her I'm old enough to get the unemployment now).

Grace D. is thankful for jazzercise. (What Grace doesn't know is that hot yoga and/or water aerobics are the more triumphant fake exercises trending right now.)

Rachel D. is thankful for Hannah not carrying weapons while she sleeps. In addition, Rachel went on to reference a weather-related Relient K song... but we decided to leave that out.

Elijah D. is thankful for Keanu Reeves... also that Chris Pratt based his character off of him in Parks and Recreation. Most happen to be thankful for Elijah’s turkey impression.

Hannah D. is thankful for her proximity to things, her living arrangements, cheap plane tickets, some unknown entities that were referred to as "cool parents," and Fred the 3-legged bull, for which she thanks grandma D..

Micah D. is thankful that he can "really open up to [T.W.C un-identified secret sources] trust [T.W.C un-identified secret sources] not to use our conversations as fodder for the amusement of others." All are thankful for Micah's wonderfully naive person. Also, Micah is thankful for Roombas.

Jerusha D. is thankful for the following things in the following order:

1. kombucha
2. salt
3. her bed
4. lists

Joel D. is thankful for Vegan cheese, and Vegan cheese creators are thankful for him. We can also assume he is thankful for divorce... and maybe his pet lizard Iggy.

Isaiah D. is thankful for the burritos at Los Gorditos, John Webster's writing style/heartfelt humility, soft fleece, and Elise's sense of humor. He's thankful for a family full of smart and compassionate people (pause for dramatic "AWWWWWWW"). Also God for giving him so much.

Elise M......D. is thankful for A LOT of things. Most notable are waffles, plants, and the Uptown painting company, all more than her husband (Isaiah D.). Also her family.

Mom D. is thankful for her 13 children, whom she made a point to make known she "birthed" (whatever that means) and that Dad was there to do most of the work during those times. Also her dad jokes...which no one else is thankful for.

Dad D. is thankful for his 8 daughters...and "that there aren't anymore." He also went on to gush about how impressive we-I mean they- are, but I think we all already know that.

Grandma D. is thankful for the bragging rights she has about all 13 of her favorite grandchildren. She's also thankful for the kids themselves, and the kids are thankful she possesses such control over her super-puzzling powers.

Grandpa John is thankful for his family and his health. We can also tell you what Micah D. is not thankful for: Grandpa John's mad chess skills.

Rachel Liechtenstein

We are starting to arrive at the conclusion that Rachel might be not at the homestead while children carrying books like Anne of Green Gables, and Barry the Saint Bernard chanting things like “donde esta mi oso grande?” And Yo tengo uno gato en mis pantalones?”  So, she is gone. Lichtenstein is our best guess and judging from her frequent snaps she is there to become a goat-sheep herderess. Her return? Inevitable, yet far, far away.

On next week's edition of the Weekly Comet: She’s gone! Tips and tricks on how to live without her.

(Unfortunately due to finals schedule we had to bump up the article)

How to survive without Rachel

The first step, acceptance… once we get through that step we’ll let you know.

Thank you for reading The Weekly Comet!!!