1.

We're Back!!!

We want to thank all of our wonderful subscribers for being so patient as we have taken such a long break from producing our newspaper, but we have come to realize that there is no real way of living properly without T.W.C, so.....we're back!!!

We're sure you guys are full of questions about the new and improved T.W.C.. Like "Are there any new columns?"  "Has the L.K.S learned to spell the word association correctly?" "Is Grace still on the pay roll?" "Has the College works pen strike ceased?" And of course we would love to answer all of these questions, but what's the fun in that? You'll just have to read it and find out!

Family Haircut!

Who ever said Family Haircuts can't be fun? Okay, well, everyone, but hey! We still did it.

On July 4th, right before fireworks, some of the DeVyldere clan came home from an incredible trip to cave junction (details in later story) to find that another part of the DeVyldere clan had already commissioned a family haircut day without them! Of course, the first action of the home-comers was to make sure they were fully involved in the takeover by cutting their hair, and, wallah! Now most of them have short hair! Of course we say most of them because some of the family tragically missed the amazing opportunity (we could never imagine why.) To anyone who is not part of immediate family: be sure to take an extra long time deciphering which DeVyldere you're talking to, because now we look more alike than ever!

Rumor has it that the L.K.S has taken it upon themselves to complete the family haircut, but we can never be sure what that means. For now, keep your enemies close, and your scissors farther away. Like, A LOT farther.

Movin' Right Along

(Inside Joke)

Guess who's driving?! That's right: Grace!

Grace got her LICENSE (in all caps to show its importance) on the 5th of July (so last last Tuesday) and has been on many an exciting adventure throughout those 2 weeks. These are a few of the logs from her shotgun driver's journal we thought we'd share with you:

July 5th, 2016: Day 1: A Quest For Fro-Yo

Grace's first time driving without a parent or guardian and we went to Albany to get some fro-yo. We came back hours later. I wish I could write down what happened, but you know what they say, what happens in Lime berry, stays in Lime berry.....

July 8th, 2016:

Today Grace and I went from Corvallis to Albany and faced the daunting Fred Meyers parking lot. We survived....barely.

July 10, ...what year is it again?:

We went to Dairy Mart to get Ice Cream. We got the ice cream and police were filling the area as we left. We regret nothing.

Jul...I don't even know anymore:

I've said it a million times: Grace! stop looking at the ponies!

#StuffMarkBowsersays

"You don't know what it's like to smell nothing but peanut butter for days."

"There's a little part of me that feels drawn to a Mexican place that I might get food poisoning from."

"You don't negotiate with duct tape."

#stuffmarkbowsersays

3.

Caves of Junctions

Friday, the 1st of July, Sarah, Grace, Faith and Dad D. commenced on an exploration to Dad's hometown: Cave Junction.

The group faced many challenges during the trip. Whether it was hiking into the Oregon caves (and some non designated caves) not knowing if they would make it out alive, diving head first into some raging rapids with only a boogie board to hold on to, or avoiding poison oak while swinging off a precarious rope swing hundreds (yes, hundreds) of feet in the air. They also got to see all over the town where Dad grew up and while doing so befriended all of the local deer. All in all, a great trip to remember.

Side Note: There may have been some speculation of accusations of possibly illegal doings during the trip, and we would like to address the fact that it is technically not true. Because even if it was (which it probs wasn't (shout out to the abbrev clu)) then it wouldn't matter. After all, everything is legal in Cave Junction.

Rumor Column

If your reading this then we, the under payed enslaved workers @ T.W.C, have brought back your number one source for not only useful (in ways of blackmail) and reliable (like the L.K.S and their stalking skills) but also your most fact checked (like on weekends, holidays and all throughout may (except maybe Easter)) news outlet. The appropriate  rumor column is a voice for the unsung songs of you people who have time and time again dragged in delectable secrets of the DeVyldere and clan's most diabolical lives. So be quiet, sit back, and watch the rumors:

- Iliyse (Isaiah and Elise) are on a two week sabbatical (what ever that means) to Yemen in order to discover a better couples name. #Eliaiah

- Elijah has been abducted. Or maybe that's what his ever so confused poor lost interns have been led to believe in a reportedly comical group text that started with "How do I get a hold of Elijah" and days later ended with a text "It's been a couple days since I've seen Elijah, hello, is there any one left in the text it's been a while since someone responded I am the last one......." And then he continued by writing out his will.

And now a story by one of our up and coming journalists (we discovered her!) Jewel D.:

THE  BUG     7/17/16 by: Jewel D.

As some of you may know (or just the homies (#peoplethatliveathome)), there may be a bug going around, but it’s not a bug that you can see, it’s not just a bug that you can catch with a trap or smack on your leg, it’s a different kind of bug. Don’t get me wrong, you can catch it but in a harder way, a tougher way, a parker way (#inside/livandmaddiejoke) but really, a sick way.

         It’s nothing critical, it’s only hit two people and the theory is that they were just dehydrated, but

don’t  take it from me, take it from the two who caught the bug. Their names will remain a mystery, but

They rhyme with Marah and Gezra.

Marah  says: “It happened at 5:27 AM ……………………………………………… That’s it!”

(No need to get cocky there Sar...I mean Marah)

Gezra says: "I caught it later in the morning and after Marah, I didn’t see the time”  

Luckily Gezra and Marah have recovered! #yay

Answers;

Yes

No

We have a payroll?

Ran out of ink to te...

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