Mark's B-day!!!

Today is a very special day: Our very own Mark B's 26th birthday!

Mark B. has been part of our family for as long as we can remember and has intrigued us each family week with new  and obscure food combinations and computer programming stories. Add that to his extraordinary personality and infectious laugh and you get someone that we are lucky to know. That being said, let us be the first to virtually say: Happy Birthday!

The festivities for Marks birthday are commencing as we speak so they will be reported in a later edition, but we can tell you that they include Muppet movie watching, board-game-playing and force feeding cake to unsuspecting 26 year-olds, so we know it's going to be awesome.

When asked about his birthday Mark replied: "Hi, hows it going." Which leads us to believe that upon his 26th year Mark has grown to become part Flynn Rider (which we are perfectly okay with.) We can only hope that Mark has already cleared this with Elijah D. (the official Rider impersonator in the household.) More on this story as it accumulates.

Selfie Obsession

In light of the popular trend that is "Selfie/Selfie-Stick Obsession" we are adding a new column to our already fantastic newspaper that will be titled "Selfies of the Week." This is a column that relies on our viewers (yes, you) to make it sensational by e-mailing us selfies of you doing whatever you normally do (bungee jumping off a bridge, skydiving, petting a cat) so we can decide which are the best and put them into categories that fit their specific type. This column is dedicated to Susannah O. for coming up with this superb idea and we hope you all enjoy the following photos and continue to send more.

Here are what our prestigious and esteemed (that's right, ESTEEMED) panel of judges have determined:

Best Dorm Selfie

Best Indiscernible Selfie

Best Pondering Selfie:

Best Most-Amount-of-People-Without-the-Use-of-a-Selfie-Stick Selfie

That one Selfie that we just couldn't leave out....

And these are just this week's selfies! Think of the future, with space selfies, underwater selfies, and multiple-cat selfies! This column will come out every week so stay tuned for more spectalu-awesome selfies! (P.S we used the word "Selfie" like 15 times! That means it must be legit.)

NOW FOR A JEWEL MOMENT

Dedicated to mark happy b-day.

This is a Jewel moment where Jewel comes out and says questions that have been bundled in her mind/top secret news. Today it's top secret news. This just in, due to patterns in the  sky its going to rain little human-like substances with blond curly hair who claim to be called Sarah.

How did this happen? No one knows.

#Sarah special story

'Sup, so we're going to play a game. I want everyone to look at the person next to them, ask them how they're doing, then look outside, take a deep breath, then look back at the person next to you and look into their eyes. Then close your eyes, count to three and then open them, then you go back to the person and ask them how they're doing

(I hope you you are having a better day now.)

Fence Flake Out

Breaking News: Chaos recently broke out in the DeVyldere household when the fence across the street belonging to the fire station was broken down by an unknown source. First the signs, now the fence, will we ever be safe? We can never be sure.

While interviewing a local firefighter on the matter he stated that during a tractor demonstration last weekend the tractor swung a little too wide, (causing the fence catastrophe.) The L.K.S is on the case with a theory that (even though all evidence points in the opposite direction) the firefighters' story may be a cover up in an attempt to avoid major panic over the real cause of the collapse: The Shenanigan Sign Stealers.

Our own sources have reported signs of hooded barefoot-and-lighter-carrying individuals on the scene which makes us question how they are tied into any of this. And, (if the L.K.S is right) then how long before our very own fences are mysteriously broken down? How long can we survive this tyranny? (These are the questions we must ask ourselves.)

Investigative reporters on the scene took some marvelous pics which will be put in the next edition, so stay calm, eat some chocolate-chip-pumpkin muffins, and pray that your fences/signs stay unharmed.

Thank you for reading The Weekly Comet!