The Weekly Comet 61 (comments and criticisms welcome)

Back to school

Today ruffly millions of kids were forced to wake up waaaay too early to participate in the ongoing conspiracy that is "SCHOOL." (Including some of our very own alumni from the DeVyldere academy.)

We have 4 kids going to school this year, including Jewel D. (starting 5th grade at Tangent Elementary), Grace D. (starting her 2nd year at South Albany High School), Rachel D. (also going to South but for her 3rd year), Elijah D. (going to Linn-Benton Community College in October for his 3rd year), and Hannah D. (who has already started her 2nd year at Linn-Field College in McMinnville.) We decided to interview some of the students starting today or yesterday before they went to school and after. Here's what we got:

Before:

Grace and Rachel replied by actually going in denial as soon as the word "school" was uttered, (we haven't been able to snap them out of it.)

Jewel responded "I am excited and it was hard to sleep."

After their first day:

Grace: "I remembered school was terrible, but when I went back...it was still terrible."

Rachel "It was okay and very easy to fall back into the monotonous pattern that is school. It was like we never left."

Jewel: "Given the opportunity I would make lawn darts an activity!" (It has been said that Jewel is running for student body president.)

After reviewing this information we have no doubt that this new school year will be like no other. (Let's just hope we can survive it.)

#Survivingtheschoolyear#Hashtaggingisawesome #HashtaggingonT.W.C#Hashtagging2much #OkI'mdonehashtaggingnow#JustkiddingI'mstillhashtagging

 2.

Elijah...Missing????

The D.A has been in total chaos since the start of what is now being called "The Great Elijah Caper."

Some call it a miracle, others just pure genius the way that sometime in the last 2 weeks Elijah D. managed to disappear so that even the most unfathomable of authorities (the L.K.S) cannot find him. How he was able to do this? We have no idea.

Posters have been hung and people have been questioned. It seems to be that the last time anyone saw him was when he came to our house 2 weeks ago with an entire bag full of onion chips, gummy lifesavers, and every skittle imaginable. But although our sources had no trouble recalling how much candy there was (and how much they devoured) they were unsure whether he mentioned where he was going or not.

Some have speculated that he might have gone undercover with the B.K.A (Big Kid's Anonym-I mean Association) or that he might have just cracked under the enormous pressure in the painting business and went what they call a "rogue painter" (basically driving by houses with a paint sprayer and it goes downhill from there.)) Well, wherever you are Elijah, we want you to know that we would like our crusader disc back.

Also, if you happen to come across Elijah please call our "Found Elijah" hot line at 555-555-5555. Someone will contact you and help you with the situation.

The following are posters that were hung up all over the Tri-DeVyldere state area, (and Facebook):

Jerusha DeVyldere: Newly Acquired Automobilist

Jerusha D. has her very own car!

The day was August 30th (but it can also be referred to as last Sunday) when Dad and Jerusha D. drove down to Damascus to look at possibly buying a car. And, (wait for it) she bought it!!!! Jerusha's car is a silver 2003 Subaru Legacy with TWO sky roofs (no wonder she bought it.) We also have an affirmative on it's (or her) name: Veronica.

We'd like to thank the people who helped fund the money for a car to give to Jerusha for a graduation present. Thanks!!!!

And now, a picture of this (dare I say it) fantabulous car:

Anonymous tip: Anonymous tips have been coming in nonstop since Elijah was announced missing 2 stories ago. Just today he has been sighted in Bora Bora polluting the ocean, kidnapping kangaroos in Australia, spray painting the leaning tower of pizza, and bungee jumping off of the Eiffel Tower in France. Where will he go next???

Sports Update

Grace and Rachel both made the Varsity soccer team (that's right, two sisters on VARSITY!) and have played 2 games with another home game tonight. Faith D. is officially on the Gem's dance team with her first performance in 2 weeks. So...we're pretty much rockin' it as far as sports go.

Thank your for reading The Weekly Comet!!!