Weekly Comet

The Weekly Comet 39 (comments and criticisms welcome)

Note: Theoretical Edition: This Comet contains...contents that are COMPLETELY hypothetical/theoretical, so before we go any further, I would like to point out that every story will be theoretical and, in conclusion, T.W.C is not liable for any news that is reported in this edition. Also, this special edition of T.W.C is dedicated to Hannah D., because, and I think I speak for all of us when I say: Child' your freakin' 19 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thank you for your time, you may proceed with the following AWESOME newspaper.

A day at the spa Jewel and Ezra made a spa!!!!!!!!!!!

It's an outdoor spa, of course, but it has the most refreshing water, thrilling views, and the best part is that T.W.C writers get in for free. And if you come between the hours of 2:30 pm and 2:35 pm tomorrow evening, you can get in free. Jewel says: "The reason Ezra and I built the spa is because world renowned pop singer and judge on "The Voice, DeVyldere edition" Amanda Levine, thought that we were making one, so we did. When you walk in there is a refreshment table where you can get refreshing drinks, and then there is the tanning salon," (A.K.A the trampoline when it's warm) "where you can get a back massage while tanning, and last but not least there is the hammock," (A big towel attached by some rope to poles in the ground) "but anyway, no comment." Ezra says: "We made a spa?!"

The refreshments table

A view of the ifle ladder

The hammock

Grace right after she broke the hammock

Average rating: 2 stars and a banana.

The thingamabob 2:The zip-line edition You may have heard of the Thingamabob 1, but if you haven't, this is a rough review of the THEORETICAL masterpiece called the "Thingamabob": The Thingamabob was first established in 2014, where Grace decided it was time to try to make a new (and improved) seat to the swing since it broke. This ended up in trainings for new recruits, and eventually led to mass destruction of all life on earth. Sorry, wrong line, it eventually led to the Thingamabob falling apart into many pieces. Everyone thought that was the end of the Thingamabob, until now. The Thingamabob 2 is basically the same contraption of sorts, but now as a zip-line. Normally there would be pictures, but I was prohibited from taking any because it does not legally exist in the state of Oregoni, so I'm just going to end this story by saying pineapples are awesome.

Keturah's bed sale Sarah says: "Apparently people all over the tri-state DeVyldere household find their things under Keturah's bed, so we thought that we could sell their stuff back to them to raise money for the L.K.S. It's a garage sale, but instead garage were using a bed." Jewel says: "It's like a black hole, only smaller." Ezra says: "No comment." Keturah says: "I see nothing, I know nothing."

A story without a name Elijah D. and Ben Rist, (in the process of making bows and arrows), shot a hole through the shed in our back yard. Reporters came to the scene shortly after and captured many pics. (photographs for the people who...I'm not going to go there) of them in their dangerous endeavor:

When asked about the THEORETICAL mishap Elijah only mentioned, and I quote, "it was an accident" and "this better not end up in The Weekly Comet." Afterwards, in an attempt to interview Ben R., Ben said "I never miss" but when said (unnamed) reporter asked if this particular shot was purposely aimed at the shed, he added indecisively "this was just a practice shot...." Water towers have been plummeted with plums, babies have been written on, and Civilians have been torn from lamb to lamb over the questions that follow: Who actually shot the theoretical arrow? Was it Elijah, Ben, or an evil clown? This could very well be the start of world war 3, well, if world war 3 consisted of only the Tangent area and water balloons. On another note, it has been rumored that Elijah made the perfect foam arrow that can shoot up to 60 feet.

Anonymous tip: Rachel jumped yet another PR of 16 feet and 2 and a quarter inches at her last track meet.

Broom Hockey by Grace D. Broom hockey the theoretical sport that children have been playing since last week. Of course anyone who is a fan of broom hockey would know the professionals (broom hockey players are famous around these parts): Keturah Rose and Ezra Blonde. Now many of you know hockey to be one of the most violent sports in the America, but watching these professionals play is like nothing you've ever seen. The game itself is quite simple: hit the puck/Block/dollhouse/whatever you can find. Preferably not made out of glass but hey, it's your face. Then, using brooms, try to whack it into your opponent's goal. Here is how a typical game would go between pro's: Keturah would start it out. The first shot is always more of a warning shot for any innocent bystanders. Like "get out of the way unless you want a face full of you favorite doll Canda!." This shot is strictly a courtesy. Then comes game time. With elbows swinging and hearts pumping they dash for the puck only to both swing at the same time and end up smacking their opponent in the face full on. This is usually results in the end of the game. With them both crying and blaming the other person, and a promise never to speak to each other again. But they will be playing and planning their next endeavor together in ten minutes. Five if no one mentions the incident.

The 2nd return of Ralphy by Grace D. Ralphy, the neighborhood escape artist slash Craigslist puppy, was spotted Friday afternoon down the street with Gizmo, (our neighbors footstool size dog.) Many of you have heard of Ralphy because he has made T.W.C news several times, and he is a old friend of Cookie. Despite our best attempts in the past there is no physical way to keep this half foot tall lab/wiener dog out of our yard. Anyway, after the siting, Elijah D. went on a extensive search of the neighborhood to find nothing, only for him to show up mysterious in the girls room slash L.K.S headquarters later that evening. Coincidence? I think not.

Rumor column by Grace D. The red moon instead of turning red turned maroon. Ben is a good shot with a bow. Remember this is all theoretical. The voice Devyldere additions the battle rounds is in post production, or was until Elijah shot an arrow into it and tried to pull it out. We all know how this scene will end. While that's probably not true, we had our top mathematicians (this word took me like six try's to spell right. Impressed you should be, and it only took me one try to spell calculate) calculate how many of you would get this inside joke. Being as it may they our only in algebra 1 so don't expect anything to brilliant though I'm sure Rachel and Elijah will have a race to find the correct answer.... Man I have gotten really off track. I mean, it's not too bad, some people can go on forever just talking and talking when what they really want to know is when it ends. Faith is currently standing behind saying that she has never had to edit the rumor column..............................O ya the answer to how many people will get the inside joke is.......................well I've exceeded the room for the rumor column, to bad I was really looking forward to telling you. Well, have a good week.

News flash (Did you know?) That Hannah, Elijah, Rachel, Grace, and Faith all went Ice skating with the middle school group from four squirgle church last Sunday?
That in Ecuador they call hoodies "Bunny Hops"? That there was a blood moon this morning? Now you know

Photo gallery: